I don’t know how many countless articles and blog posts I see with a reoccurring theme:
“10 Ways To Stay Happy In Your Marriage” or
“35 Best Ways To Love Your Husband Endlessly”
Although I don’t think these articles are bad, I feel like some of the messages they send aren’t the greatest. To me, when I see these, I see “marriage is, without fail, bad”. I am not naive to think there aren’t bad days in marriage. But with these articles, I feel a message is being sent that “no matter what, you will start falling out of love with your spouse” or “if you don’t do certain steps, your marriage won’t flourish”. To me, that is silly.
My idea? Choose happy.
Every day of your life, choose happy.
I remember when M and I were moving and my mom asked “how many fights did you guys get in along the way?” I was so confused by this because my answer was none. Were we supposed to fight? We were supposed to have a hard time moving?
What do you always hear about the first year of marriage? It’s the toughest, right?! Why? Because it’s new? Or because that’s the stigma put on the first year of marriage? Wouldn’t it be cool to start hearing “The first year of marriage is the BEST! Enjoy it!”. It’s sad that instead we are constantly reminded how hard the first year is.
I almost feel as if the articles online implant ideas into women’s heads. “If your marriage isn’t at this point, it needs work.” “If you don’t do these things, you’re not a good wife.”
Every person is different, along with each marriage is different. I think going into something EXPECTING the worst, you won’t get very far. I know no one goes into their marriage with that mindset, but what are these articles teaching us? Fighting is normal? Staying happy is only done a certain way? You need to be doing XY&Z to show your husband you love him?
Again, I understand each person is different. But try this; every day wake up happy. Say “I love you” everyday. Consciously make an effort to never let your marriage wither away. But most of all? Don’t expect things to go to shit. Don’t believe statistics. Don’t tell yourself what happened to that marriage will happen to mine.
I do think some of the articles on the web regarding marriage are great. Date ideas are so fun to read. But ways to save your marriage? I think that just implants ideas in peoples heads that it is unavoidable. Failing marriages are unavoidable. I’m here to tell you they’re not. Do what makes you happy. Nourish your marriage with all you have and put in the effort daily.
Oh and also? Kiss that amazing spouse of yours EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. 😉
Me & my husband do kiss everyday. I actually thought the first year was the best but when the stresses of children & work enter, it is sometimes easy to forget about your relationship. I love my husband & we are happy, but we fight, we make up & we work at it through communication. These days many find it easier to bale then to discuss. I think these articles are just reminders. Even happy gets bumpy from time to time, you are fortunate that you have not had any of that. My husband & I have what we call our love pact. When things get tough & we start to get snarky at one another, one of us will say "love pact" & we will take a step back kiss & talk about it other than using sarcasm & fighting. A little corny maybe but it works for us.
Marriage is hard work, just as the person above said, stresses of kids and work enter your life and there is no looking back. Your life now moves at a million miles an hour and time will slip away if you let it. You HAVE to take a moment every day to kiss your spouse, it is the only way a marriage works. I loved reading your post, a young women with so much ambition for life and marriage. Keep that thought always, and your marriage will be just as strong 10 years from now as it is today!
Marriage is a work in progress. We I said i do it was for life. I try every day to do something nice for my husband like making cookies
We have had bumpy, and kids have been in our relationship from the beginning. I guess I just always looked at things from a different perspective. 🙂 Great points!!
Thank you so much!!!
I love baking cookies! My husbands favorite are 'no bakes' and I just made him a batch two nights ago! Great minds think alike 😉
I love this! Probably my favorite post on this topic! You make so many good points I can say I am one of those people who gets a bad idea of marriage being doomed to fail from reading all those articles online.
YES! I remember when I was single, with a little group of my best friends (all single, and one of them happened to be the guy who would become my husband) and we were having a discussion about "Why does everyone say marriage has to be hard? I don't think it does. Marriage could be fun! Why would it have to be a bad thing?" Sure, we were all young and single and maybe didn't really have a clue, but now, 3 years into marriage, my husband still says, "Marriage is easy!" and it really has been a blast! Of course we've had arguments. But the overall theme is definitely one of joy, not of "putting up with" each other, and I like it that way.
Though, in some ways, I have to say I really like the statement "The first year is the hardest" because it made me think, "It'll only get better from here on out!!" And I'd definitely say that years 2 and 3 were even better than the first! 🙂