Do I want more kids? Absolutely. More than anything in this world.
However, there is a part of me that is scared. Terrified, really.
Now hold on, before you judge me and tell me i’m crazy, see things from my perspective…
I got pregnant a few months before I turned 19.
I went through hell with this pregnancy. From family to friends, every dynamic of my life changed.
This isn’t a “poor me” post, i’m just being real and talking about things on my heart and mind.
I refused to be like every other teen parent I knew. I refused to be apart of every statistic out there. (Did you know 25% of teen moms get pregnant again before their first child is two?!) I refused to give people a reason to question my parenting or my decision to keep my baby.
I wanted to be different. I didn’t want to have to live off government assistance. I didn’t want to have my parents raise my child. I didn’t want to be so many things associated with being a “teen mom”.
For three years of baby girls life, it was just me and her. Yes, we had my family, but in terms of OUR FAMILY, it was just me and her. She grew into my best friend and my biggest motivator. It was a big step meeting M and knowing our entire dynamic would change. Part of me felt guilty. Was she getting the time and attention she wanted/needed? Did she feel like I was replacing her? I never once hid baby girl from M, so from the beginning she was involved in our relationship. However, in the back of my mind I always wondered how SHE felt.
Luckily, from day one she fell in love with him.
Now we’re here. We’re at the point in our life where we are ready to add more kids to our family. But how READY am I? Like I said, I’m terrified. I’m terrified of almost every aspect of it.
I’m afraid of being pregnant and actually being “allowed to be happy”. I’m afraid I will forget how to be a mom to a newborn. I’m afraid I won’t love another kid as much as I love baby girl.
Am I terrible for saying that? I KNOW I want more kids, there’s no question about that. But nonetheless, I AM SCARED. I am afraid of unknowns and I am afraid of uncharted waters.
{I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always. As long as i’m living, my baby you’ll be.}
Has anyone every felt this way? I’d love to hear feed back or personal experience.
Thanks y’all for reading and for letting my blog be a place where I can open up and share true and honest feelings. I can never say thank you enough for that.
I found your blog threw Instagram. I think mutual friends maybe. I had my first son when I was 18. I actually graduated high school 5 months pregnant. I was bent on not giving my kids anything to tell a therapist as an adult. haha. But realistically its hard to become a mother when I wasn't even sure about what type of woman I was. So my first pregnancy was fraught with a lot of growing pains and even some depression. And then when I found out we were pregnant with my second son I felt so much joy…followed by so much sadness. It almost seemed unfair that I wasn't able to have that kind of joy the first time around. Like my oldest had missed out. I don't think that there is ever a perfect time to add babies. It happens when its supposed to. And I bet your little girl will adjust and be the best big sister ever. Because it sounds like she has a mom that cares enough to worry about whether or not she will feel left out.
This is the sweetest response. Thank you for reading my blog. I feel the exact same way, like when I do get pregnant I don't want to do anything that would make my daughter feel "less than". I love her SO much, I know she can't WAIT to be a big sister, but nonetheless I'm worried and scared. Thank you so much for your feedback. It truly made my day.
I don't have any children so I am 0 help, but I just wanted to say that from everything I see from you it seems like you are an AMAZING mom and would no doubt be to any future children as well! I think it's totally normal to be afraid of life changes, especially big ones like that. But how exciting to be expanding your family! 🙂
I don't have kids yet… but I can totally see where your reservation is. But I think baby girl is at that perfect age to be a wonderful big sister and this time around you will get to enjoy the pregnancy and enjoy the early stages. I remember the rough time you had when you were first prego with her but you came out swinging and you are a wonderful mom. You and M deserve that again, especially this time with your husband. My mom always says the only reason she met and married my dad was to have us. You won't love the next one any more or any less. Mom's are meant to have enough love in their hearts for each and every child they have (biological or not even) that's just how we women are made.
I personally will not be stopping at 1 lol. We want a big family so we want at least 3 haha. And we are hoping for a honeymoon baby this year. So IF you decide to maybe we will end up prego at the same time haha! !
Aidan
Both of my pregnancies were super difficult:( but my first son I couldn't imagine loving anyone as my as I love him! It was just the three of us for three years! He seriously is my bud. When I got pregnant with my second son we were estactic and blessed. But I still always put my first son as a priority! I just couldn't imagine taking time from him. Now that our second baby is 7 months our little family has readjusted our dynamic! My oldest is in love with his brother, and me? I fell so hard in love with my second baby it took my breath away! You all will be just fine momma!